I took a big step this week regarding the personal issues I mentioned before...I went and talked to someone (besides David) in person. She's about 10 years older than me, I've known her for a while, she's easy to talk to, and I trust her, so although I don't have a close personal relationship with her, I went and told her the things about myself that trouble me.
I'm glad that I did. It felt hard but good to finally admit to someone in person that I fear people. Not only that, but she offered to continue getting together with me so I can practice making myself vulnerable with her. She suggested I practice being open and vulnerable with other people as well, pinpointing particular friends with whom I get along with well and trying harder to become involved in a small group at church, since I haven't been in one for almost a year. Lastly, she told me to consider counseling. Not because I or my problems are abnormal, but because sometimes we just need someone to help us connect the dots in our lives. Our lives are a trajectory, there are patterns and habits, both healthy and unhealthy. Our problems are always either getting better or getting worse, and if we don't deal with them, they don't go away or stay the same, they get worse. So the problems that seem unfortunate, but manageable now will, farther down the trajectory of our lives, become deep and magnified, seemingly beyond all help (we call this "baggage"). Counseling before things are complete chaos can keep small things from becoming big things.
Interesting advice. I must admit that I feel a little bit sorry for my friends that I'm "targeting", but that's really what friends are for, isn't it?
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