Process

Ironically, yoga can be one of my greatest sources of anxiety. It's because I'm a teacher, and I want to be a really good teacher. I have two goals in my pursuit of becoming a really good teacher:

1. Actually developing the skills that a good teacher has
2. Being patient with myself in this process

In regards to number 1, being a yoga teacher is not that hard. Being a really good yoga teacher is. Good teachers have to be prepared when they get to class, but they also have to be prepared to change things on the spot, depending on the bodies that end up wandering into their class. Without actually being in the pose, they have to know exactly what a pose feels like and what tiny adjustments will take the pose to the next level for students. They have to know what a pose feels like for someone with a completely different body type, a completely different set of strengths and weaknesses. They have to know when to adjust a student and when to let the student figure it out on his own. When they adjust students and fix alignment, they have to do it in a way that is not perfunctory, it must make the student feel nurtured rather than uncomfortable, and they have to do it without disrupting the flow of the class. They have to know how to push students enough that they grow, but not so much that they risk injury. If this sounds easy, you'll just have to trust me that it's not. At least not in the first year.

Now number 2, being patient with myself. Like being a sophomore in high school, I feel like I'm in my awkward phase of being a teacher; I'm no longer new, and while I've got a grasp on things, I definitely do NOT have things all figured out. This spring I had to decide whether I wanted to pursue teaching in gyms or teaching in a studio. I chose to teach in a studio. The benefits of teaching at a studio are many: the students tend to be more dedicated and able-bodied, making them fun to teach, the other teachers tend to be more experienced, skilled, and passionate (an ideal environment for learning), and there's also the potential to make more money.

However, there are also drawbacks. The standards are higher at a studio, which can be more intimidating for a new teacher than a gym, especially if you tend to compare yourself to your peers. More dedicated, able-bodied students are pickier about whose class they take, so it bothers me that I don't have a lot of regular students at the studio. I don't believe that it's important to be able to do all the poses that require incredible flexibility or strength, and yet it bothers me to know that I may have the least advanced yoga practice of all the teachers at the studio. I've never been one to care much about money, but it bothers me that there is the potential to make decent money, and I don't. I desire verbal affirmation from my students after class because it makes me feel like I'm on the right track as a teacher. When I don't receive it, I doubt myself.

At the same time I know that it takes time to become established in a teaching style and within a community. When I am a "senior" teacher, I will be a better teacher than I am now as a "sophomore" teacher. It's a process, and there's no possible way I can have five years teaching experience unless I go through five years without it first. There is little instant gratification.